STRICTLY FOR SCARY MUMS AND DADS
AND the award for the most unsettling programme of the week goes to... Channel 4's deeply disturbing documentary, Strictly Baby Ballroom.
It's a ruthless world in the kiddies' dancing game. And only the youngsters with the pushiest parents will survive.
Reflecting on her gruelling life trawling the country with her pirouet t ing eight-year-old daughter Tabitha, Samantha revealed that her magnificent maternal obsession costs more than £6,000 a year.
"Sometimes I think, what am I doing this for?" she said. "Then I realise it's for Tabby." Are you absolutely sure about that? "My mum makes me a dress about, er, every week," sighed Kelsey, before adding: "It's not exactly what I want. It's what other people want - like my mum."
Dancing while their grim mothers and fathers scream at them, the lit tle girls doll themselves up like old slappers.
Meanwhile, their mini male partners grease their hair and look decidedly weird.
It just doesn't seem right - all these children parading as adults.
They should be out get ting ASBOs. Like normal kids.
1 comment:
NAUSEATING ... and that was just the mum
"I admire John Travolta," explained Mason, who meditates before a performance. "I admire his planes, his house, his cars ..."
Don't put your daughter on the stage, missus - or even on the dance floor. Strictly Baby Ballroom (C4/Tue) threw a glitterball on the world of mini ballroom dancing. Ellie (9) is the UK Juvenile Champion, while Tabitha (8) and Kelsey (8) are snapping at her stilettoed heels.
In the run-up to the championships in Blackpool, Ellie's mum, who has obviously not given her big butt a shake in years, drilled her daughter like a sergeant-major.
"My parents really want me to stay number one," Ellie explained. Tabitha's mother even turned to TV to find her a suitable partner, 10-year-old wannabe Mason.
"I admire John Travolta," explained Mason, who meditates before a performance. "I admire his planes, his house, his cars ..."
After eight months of hair gel and fake tan, he bowed out, allegedly to spend more time with his friends.
Ha! I say to that. He just worked out he could get more money and more fame faster by joining a little boy band or auditioning for Dr Who.
Kelsey was partnered by her brother Ryan, and when they didn't get through to the final 12, their mother pulled some sort of mind meld on them.
"Some of those kids were cr*p," she said, "and you didn't get through. So what are they saying about you?"
Personally, I think they didn't get through because Kelsey looks like a manatee. No amount of false nails and eyelashes is ever going to make that child look appealing.
Parents screaming from the sidelines, little girls in lipstick, earnestly fake expressions ... it was all a bit a nauseating.
I'm all for kids having a hobby, but what's wrong with cleaning windows? Now, that's healthy, satisfying, nearly free ...
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